This Field Note explores perimenopause, circadian rhythm shifts, nervous system regulation and the emotional and physiological transitions that can arise during midlife. It follows on from last months field note; The Seventh Sense of Awe and Wonder. It reflects on embodiment, ritual and the changing relationship between menstrual cycles, sleep patterns and natural rhythms.
Last week’s Summer Solstice marked the 5th week of my continued Sunrise experiment, which I shared in last months letter; endeavouring to shift my circadian rhythm and sleep cycle into a more predictable and regulated pattern. And I'm continuing to notice many remarkable and surprising benefits as a result of my new daily practice. I'm still relishing my reduced phone and screen time but something else has emerged, something that feels altogether life changing and profound…
At 48, I am moving through the threshold of a seasonal shift - Sagessence or perimenopause as it is more widely known. If you are moving through similar shifts - whether in perimenopause, experiencing other midlife transitions or other periods of embodied change - you may well recognise something of your own experience here. As my menstrual cycle continues to change and is no longer the predictable anchor it once was, I have at times found myself feeling set adrift. The inner seasons I once knew and organised my life around are no longer distinct or obvious and my relationship with the lunar cycle, once my cyclical north star - particularly around my ovulation and bleed time - began to fade from my awareness. This liminal state can feel destabilising for many, like being rudderless in a turbulent sea with no calm end in sight. Thankfully, I know the containing power of a good old ritual, so it has been a question of finding some new ones to hold me through this transition.
Recently, as I sat in my garden at dawn, in front of a misty blood red sunrise slowly burning its way into view, I looked behind me and saw a waning crescent moon sparkling in the morning sky. I was sat slap bang in the middle of both Grandfather sun and Grandmother moon. In that moment it dawned on me (pardon the pun) that not only am I being held by both feminine and masculine archetypal energies - the elemental life giving vital energies of the natural world - but it has become clear that a new cycle is taking precedence in my life: My menstrual cycle is now giving way to the circadian cycle of night and day. My body is craving natural light, regularity and rest. Days are consciously and predictably bookended by the rising and setting of the sun and held within the soft, diffuse energy of the moon. And what I am noticing is a profound shift into slowing down. Instead of the monthly cycles of peak energy and creativity that typically coincide with ovulation, my body now seems to be orienting toward what is simple, easeful and deeply restful - most of the time. Those peak phases have softened and waned and while there are moments when my Aries self and inner critic like to protest and insist I should be doing something - anything! - my slowing body and soul are increasingly running the show and thankfully, are very well versed in saying “thank you very much, but NO.”
I shall be sat in this chair staring into space for the next five years, should anyone need me.
In practice, so far, this has meant honouring a new rhythm and keeping firm boundaries around when I go to sleep, rise and eat. It is simple and basic, in the most primal “meeting my most basic needs” kind of a way. And at the risk of using an overused word, it feels ancient and remembered, as though my body is returning to something it has always known. And of course, it has.
This new ritual is surprisingly and unexpectedly helping my changing body adapt to the choppy waves that this initiatory phase of life inevitably brings forth. My breathing is spontaneously deeper and fuller - without force, I'm less irritable, far more present, quiet and I'm feeling altogether softer, slower and more diffuse. The noise of the outside world has fast diminished into the background, I'm stripping life back and my attention is now focused on the basics. And these are the gifts that I believe this mid life phase demands of us; simplicity, presence, spaciousness and kindness, so that we may have cultivated enough space and stillness to truly listen to our needs and attend to them without criticism or judgement but with loving kindness and care.
If you are interested in the psycho spiritual alchemical nature of women's life phases, I highly recommend the work of wise elders, Jane Hardwicke Collings of Shamanic Womancraft and Alexandra Pope and Sjane Huge Wurlitzer of The Red School. And, if you are moving through similar waves of this life phase and would like to explore therapeutic support, you can read more about working with me here.